Todays’ theme is escape, one literal, and one figurative. Then I’ll find a way to twist it all around to do what I love to do most: talk about myself. Also, this post has nothing to do with Beyoncé; I’m flagrantly using her image to get attention, just like everyone else.
A real escape
I’m back to making my way through the NYT top 10 books of 2023. In Master Slave Husband Wife, Ilyon Woo delivers the eye-popping tale of William and Ellen Craft’s escape from slavery, and then manages to make the post-escape part not too boring. I’m now going to be a little bit petty, because I judge books by their covers. This one is so mid, as in looks like middle grades nonfiction. Not nuts about the title either, but Ms. Woo, you do do you. Or you do Woo as the case may be.
If you know what this is about, you can skip to the next paragraph. In 1848, Ellen Craft masqueraded as a man traveling with “his slave,” who was actually her husband William. She wore a tall hat, glasses, and bandages to further mask herself, and used her fictional illness to get out of engaging too much with other passengers on the trains and steamships they took to get to Philadelphia. She was very light-skinned since she was the product of rape between her mother and the man who enslaved her. (He wasn’t just a rapist and a slave-holder; he was a shit dad too: When her half-sister got married, he “gave” the young Ellen to her as a wedding gift, thereby separating Ellen from her mother. At least he was consistent.)
Woo does a great job of sprinkling in scene-setting details to remind you of just how f’d up America was back then, and how daring their escape truly was. For instance, as they awaited the next leg of their journey, Ellen and William had to bide time and be cool, pretending to not be two escaped slaves, while staying at a hotel that overlooked Charleston’s Sugar House, a charmingly-named building in the center of town dedicated to torturing enslaved people. Slave owners had the option to stay and watch, or just drop their chattel off to be tortured and pick them up when it was through. Can you imagine how terrified the Crafts must have been? This was a place that celebrated its savagery.
Woo follows the couple after their (spoiler alert) triumphant escape because what they do once they’re free is what truly makes them heroes. They didn’t go to Canada, where their safety was assured. They stayed in America and joined the abolitionist movement. They stayed until the Fugitive Slave Act made it a certainty they’d be captured and sent back, then they returned to the US after the Civil War to help freed slaves.
Most people like me are learning about this story with Woo’s book. Wouldn’t it be great if these were the stories we learned growing up? If all of us could have embraced the Crafts as emblematic of the best kind of Americans–brave, passionate about their freedom, dedicated to helping others. America’s chief brand is “freedom” isn’t it? These two risked everything to get theirs, and did it with such creativity and daring they belong in a movie.
My K-12 education mostly “othered” the enslaved people, pretty much “othered” African Americans in general. Sure, we learned about Frederick Douglass and Harriet Tubman but there were so so many exceptional Americans we never learned about. Let’s make sure lots of kids get this book and learn about the Crafts. The cover art is all ready to go.
A figurative escape
After I finished Master Slave Husband Wife, I listened to Oprah’s new book club book, The Many Lives of Mama Love, by Lara Love Hardin. This woman was a serious heroin junkie who was stealing to feed her habit. She was also a suburban mother of 4 with an M.F.A. who had sat on the school board. She was arrested, lost custody of her youngest son, and was thrown in jail. The local paper ran her picture on the cover with the headline “Neighbor from Hell.”
In her memoir, she recounts how she descended into hopelessness then tells how she crawled back and climbed even higher. For years now, she’s been a successful ghostwriter and I can see why. She writes with simple clarity, wit, and a wide open heart about her life. Once she’s freed and on the road to not just recovery but genuine success1 , she still carries such shame about her past. The shame is in some ways harder to recover from than her addiction and the crimes she committed.
As I’ve mentioned, I love good stories about addiction, but this is something more. How Hardin so eloquently tells you about confronting and overcoming her crippling shame is what makes me recommend this book. Who isn’t walking around with some kind of shame shadow? For me it’s not a drug problem (yet), and I haven’t stolen my neighbor’s credit cards (yet), but my shame can feel just as heavy sometimes.
I have a friend who is so spectacular, beautiful, and successful she’s been profiled in magazines and interviewed on podcasts. Turns out in her darkest moments she’s just like me–filled with regret and remorse about her choices and certain everything that’s gone wrong is entirely her fault. It’s nonsense, of course, but when I heard how she suffers, it strangely and selfishly not only made me love her more, it made me love me more. If this sparkling magnificent woman can feel that way, maybe I’m not such a freak. I think I’m not the only one who looks at others and assumes they’re perfect and I’m a disaster. It’s so much better than that: We’re all disasters. That’s what is so perfect about being human.
I was mesmerized by Mama Love’s story, and I think you might be too. I know it’s true these problems were of her own making, but she owns that with tremendous humility. Besides, she faces down demons that would eat my demons as snacks. If you're the type who avoids “Oprah’s Book Club” books on principle, go ahead and skip this. I was once that person, I understand. But if you’re open to some Oprah-tastic human spirit inspiration, this is magnificent.
Finally, if you’d rather have a podcast, here’s one about a few brave smart people who overcome a broken system. I highly recommend The Burden, the newest podcast from a little company close to my heart (Jeff’s). Corrupt NYC cops, savvy reporters, and innocent men relentlessly fighting for their freedom—it’s an incredible story well told. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts, and subscribe!
The Many Lives of Mama Love is also an eye-opening look at how the system seems designed to funnel people back into the system. For example, it’s not just how hard it is to find a job when you have a conviction on your record. You have to find one that can accommodate countless probation meetings, check-ins with judges, court-mandated group therapy sessions, and you also have to coordinate the transportation and childcare to make it to all these appointments.
Once again you nailed it- your review of these books made me want to go out and read/listen to them right away !